of school!  its the first day of class of my last semester as an undergraduate.   my. the time flies.

-emily

its a lovely time of year.  Finals.  I’m pulling the same old game, of course, procrastinating and being disorganized and complaining a lot and getting stressed out. and probably, i’ll end up puling it together at the last moment and getting straight A’s because, well, i always do. and then after this semester comes 3 weeks of lying around and gaining back weight lost this semester, and then….and then….the moment i’ve been dreading for my entire life:  the last semester of college.

being a senior sucks. i really, really hate it.  and it feels unfair, because i shouldn’t even be a senior anyways.  i skipped a year of high school and started college early,  which was awesome at the time, because when my high school buddies were stressing out about taking 8 subject tests and applying to 34 different schools i was chillin’ at college, making tons of new friends, partying, trying allllllll sorts of new things, and livin’ it up.  but freshman year goes by quick and then you’re faced with the reality of college life- roommate drama, actual studying, boring part-time jobs, dating, incompetent university gynecologists, and epic heartbreak.  

already, for the past three months, i’ve undergone countless times this well-intentioned exchange with an underclassperson:   “What year are you?”   senior.  “oh cool!” not really.  “What are you going to do after college?”   i. have. no. fucking. clue.

it’s not like i’ve just been sitting around on my ass, acting like the past 4 years have been an extended summer camp (though it often feels that way due to weather in los angeles).  i have done everything right.   i’ll be graduating with a B.A. in gender studies with high honors.   my GPA is stellar, i’m officially considered a ‘student leader’ due to my involvement with the queer  community on campus, i’m incredibly passionate about my field of study, i’ve received university funds for independent research, i went abroad for a semester, i’ve taken classes in 3 foreign languages, and i’ve developed strong relationships with several professors. 

yet i’m still overcome with an immense feeling of nothingness.   i have a lot of regrets about college-   sure, my grades are perfect, but i chaulk that up more to the incredibly low standards set by the wildly mediocre students at my university than as any result of my own efforts.  i feel like i could have done so much more, learned so much more, if i had been able to motivate myself beyond doing the bare minimum as the last possible moment.    most of all, i wish i had taken the time to develop a means of creative expression for myself-  something that has been an aching lack in my life since i quit ballet at the end of high school.   i have rekindled a sense of passion in myself through queer & performance studies, but its more like fleeting moments, and i lack direction something awful.    while at college i have learned a lot about history, politics, critical theory, and literature,  but i feel like i have learned absolutely nothing about myself.  moreover, i feel completely unprepared to face my looming so-called ‘adult life.’

i know just how much you want to keep reading about the maladjusted privileged kid complaining about how the terrible economy means she won’t be able to get a cushy job straight out of college with the humanities degree she pursued because of its intrinsic value.   and i can’t deny that, to some degree, this is exactly what this post is.   but thats only a small portion of it, really, of what i’m trying to convey.   yes, i hope i can find a job if i don’t get into the either of the two graduate schools i applied for (would have applied to many more, but i realized that i’m also completely unprepared for graduate school, and lack the direction and commitment i would need to be a legitimate candidate), and i hope even more that i can find a job i enjoy to a certain degree.    but i do not think i’m “too good” to work just about anywhere, and i don’t think i’m “above” moving into my parents house immediately after graduation, which is most likely what i will do.   it’s not about complaining that my already substantial level of privilege is not enough.   its about feeling disappointed with myself, and embarrassed by the fact that i was given a scholarship to a private university AND the support of my family AND the relative mental stability to complete my coursework, yet i am still eons away from being any semblance of a self-sustaining human creature. 

where did the time go?

-emily

amazon is offering a 1 year promo deal for everyone with a .edu email address.  basically, free shipping for a year on most things (unfortch not applicable for their independent secondhand sellers).   sounds good!

first, two quick culinary successes.

a delicious thing to do to tofu (pan fried, baked, frozen & microwaved, even uncooked): mix together some dijon mustard, honey, and tamari (gluten-free soy sauce). proportions are your call, mostly because i never measure anything, except when i bake because baked goods are temperamental (but i forgive them because they are delicious). pour mixture over the tofu and let it soak in. you could use this as a marinade before cooking the tofu if you are the type of person who thinks to plan ahead. eat. enjoy! (i ate mine inside a whole wheat pita stuffed with cucumber slices and alfalfa sprouts, along side an ear of steamed local sweet corn. that probably qualifies me for some derogative term for locavores, but i tried to come up with one myself and couldn’t, so i suppose that proves how far to the local side i am, that i can’t even conceive of an insult for myself (in that regard. on many other counts the self-deprecation flows freely)) (i also have a bad habit of constructing sentences using parentheses within parentheses. get used to it!)

 yum.

the easiest and perhaps tastiest summer desert ever: credit goes to Alice Waters (goddess of Chez Panisse and the eternal fount from which much of the bay area, if not national, local/seasonal/sustainable food movement originates) for the idea, and to me for being lazy and adapting it to a microwave. also, it seems much more energy-efficient to me to nuke one ramekin (they are a real entity! emily doubted their existence. see photo below) for a few minutes than to heat up a whole oven for half an hour, although admittedly the microwave doesn’t give you quite as nice a presentation as baking. oh well.

baked nuked peaches:

slice up a peach. any which way. put in in a microwave-safe bowl (or ramekin) and add water until the slices are half-submerged. Mix in a few spoonfuls of apricot jam and a drizzle of honey (you can add the honey at the end if you want to be able to taste for sweetness). microwave for about a minute and a half, or until the peaches are super tender and release all their peachy goodness into the water to make a syrupy sauce around them. let cool a bit, and devour. you are allowed to drink the peach-apricot-honey syrup. in fact, i insist that you do. you will thank me.

(in case you are microwave-phobic, the oven version is essentially the same except you cut the peaches in halves instead of slices, and you set them in a baking dish with the cut sides up, and you pour premixed water/honey/apricot jam(/i think there was some lemon juice in the original recipe?) on top of the peaches (so that it fills the pits and half-submerges them) and you bake for about half an hour (probably at 350). every 10 minutes you can open the oven and use a large spoon to baste the peaches (scoop up the liquid around the peaches and pour it on top again). the peaches will turn a gorgeous rosy color as they bake!) (omg so many parentheses. i can’t even keep track. sorry, readers. i’ll work on this)

om nom nom nom nom.

second, i’m in battle with a ginormous roach. this thing is like 2 inches long. as far as i know there’s only one and i certainly don’t want to know if there are more lurking around somewhere, but this one is friggin persistent. it’s practically taunting my roommate and i by showing up all over the room and refusing to die. this is the first time i’ve had an infestation problem since i’ve lived in NYC and i really hope it’s the last. i’ve already attempted to splash soapy water on it, drop things on it (which is difficult to do while trying to keep my distance), and my latest plan is to trap it under an upside-down trash can and/or spray it with 409. wish me luck!

back to preparing a lab presentation and doing a bazillion dishes…

-Lauren

so, first of all- hi again emiren readers. and yes, i know that you DO exist because i installed an invisible hit tracker.   it gives me all these fancy graphs of how many visitors there are and where they came from and which posts are the most popular.

i’m in LA now, which is where i’ll remain for the foreseeable future.   its fuckin HOT here. and i miss oakland already but i think i’ll be able to keep busy just fine in lalaland.   Cherríe Moraga and Adelina Anthony are directing a play together that is opening in Santa Ana at the end of this month!!!!!!!!!!! i’m really excited because i’m in love with both of them, being as how they are both incredibly talented and two of the coolest chicana lesbians, like, ever.

but more about performances later. for now, here’s a little list of what i should be doing but am not doing because i’m lazy and a procrastinator.

1.  study for the GRE.   shit. this was a summer-long plan, and now i only have 4 weeks until the fall semester officially begins.   chinga!!!

2. take a shower.   my hair is pretty greasy right now.   i was too tired to shower before work today, and …well… yeah thats pretty much my only excuse.

3. make my room look like a sane human lives in it.  the walls are white and wouldn’t object to a fresh coat of paint, so my room looks rather like an asylum cell.  i’m also at an odd developmental stage, where posters just don’t do it for me like they used to, but at the same time i’m certainly not ready to move onto crate and barrell or whatever white yuppies use for interior decorating.   shit, man.

4. walk my dog.  i mean, i just walked her… but more is always better when it comes to walks.

5. take a nap. i’m tired…but instead of getting some mid-afternoon rest, i’ll probably just piss away time doing nothing on the internet, and then complain but how tired i am for the rest of the day.

6. research?   independent projects and procrastinators= bad combination.

my dad, to me.

Context: My parents used to live in Boston before I was born and went to a bakery called Rosie’s in Brookline that had these super fudgy brownies called Chocolate Orgasms. I informed them that Rosie’s now has a satellite location in South Station, so when they went to drop me off to catch a bus back to NYC, we stopped at Rosie’s and bought a Harvard Square (brownie with walnuts) and a Chocolate Orgasm. Out of some desire to resemble an adult, I told them I’d pay. Dad protested and uttered this gem.

El padre on a llama hike. Llama stories are imminent. We haven’t even scratched the surface.

-Lauren

tomorrow my doggie and I are driving back to los angeles after an extended (and fairly unproductive) vacation in the bay area

Another proud moment for the Columbia community, along with using eminent domain to evict Harlem residents, educating Russian spies, failing to pass a single useful university proposal, and the ongoing War on Fun. Somebody remind me why I am affiliated with this place?

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CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES (vegan)

* 2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour

* 1 teaspoon baking soda

* 1 teaspoon salt

* 1 cup softened non-dairy butter/margarine

* 3/4 cup granulated [white] sugar

* 3/4 cup packed brown sugar

* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

* 6 oz. soy yogurt (can be replaced by 1 cup apple sauce-yeah right, it can but it will suck. Srsly dont use apple sauce)

* 2 cups (12-ounce package) semi-sweet chocolate chips

* 1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Combine flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl.

2. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla in large mixer bowl.

3. Combine bowls, add soy yogurt. mix.

4. Stir in chips and nuts.

5. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

6. Bake in preheated 350-degree oven for 10 minutes or until golden brown.

7. Let stand for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

(I usually only put ½ a cup of each type of sugar because they are way too sweet otherwise)

Wow, Lauren and I DID meet on an internet forum for ballet addicts.  I think I had blocked that out of my memory. Neither of us is ugly. Or creepy.  We might be losers though….I’m still waiting for the jury to get back to me on that one.

Actually, making real-life friends out of internet acquaintances is something I seem to do semi-frequently. Don’t hate…last year I went to Finland to visit internet friends. How cool is that?  They sell reindeer meat in the freakin’ grocery stores. Just saying.

Anyways, not only did I meet Lauren on a ballet forum- upon hearing that her parents were relocating to my area, I advised her in my very authoritarian 13-year-old voice that she should enroll at my high school and start attending my ballet school…. (weird).
And then she did both of those things….(also weird).

Since Lauren can’t access her arsenal of embarrassing memorabilia, I’ll get us started with some pictures from our 16th Birthday Party.   Lauren’s birthday is in March, and my birthday is in May… so we had our birthday party in April.   Yeah… I don’t really know what we were thinking…

Lauren, keeping it classy.

Oh, Emily….. whyyyyy??????